Affluent Affairs
by M. Rhae
Summary: At that she slapped him - hard. He probably deserved it, but it still hurt. Stelmaria let out a growl, and Asriel put his hand over his cheek, feeling it start to welt already. "The nerve! How you dare! I can't believe this, Asriel. I really can't." All is fair in love and war, especially concerning Asriel and Marisa. This is their story and then some, including another affair.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own the His Dark Materials series.**

**A/N:** Hi, everybody! Thanks for checking out my story. This is a story about Asriel, Marisa, and everything else in between. It's a story about love, though a strained, complicated sort love, and it explores a side of Asriel and Marisa that we've never really seen. It'll be a multi-chapter piece, and this is just the start of Asriel and Marisa's romance.

Please sit back, relax, read, and review! Have a good one!

* * *

_**o1.**_

Staring at her, Marisa felt her blood start to boil as she took in the woman's curled black hair and dark green eyes, shimmering oh-so-perfectly at the men around her. She was wearing a strapless gray dress that cut off at just below her knees, and her panda daemon was perched prettily at her legs, his face tilted up towards the other humans. In a lot of ways, she looked tremendously like Marisa, but with a rush of hatred, Marisa determined that the woman wasn't as pretty as her and that Marisa was superior.

Indeed, though she captured everyone's attention, she just didn't have "it." Sure she cleaned up well and was able to carry on a conversation, but what other qualifications did she have? Was she married to anyone important? Was she a student at a renowned school? Was she some sensational super star with some sensational influence? Was she anyone of recognizable worth in the highly-toxic public sphere?

In the end, she really was a glammed up nobody, and as Marisa sat quietly at the couch in the corner of the room, Edward off parlaying with some Magisterial officials, she couldn't help but overhear the woman's conversation.

"Oh gentlemen, you flatter me," she was saying, the hint of a laugh flecked into her high-pitched voice. "Asriel told me you'd all be kind, but I never thought I'd get so much attention over some silly old article."

"It's not silly at all, my dear!" rasped an old man. "Experimental theology can use all of the insight and research it can get, and you've certainly contributed a considerable finding!"

So she was studying experimental theology. Marisa wrinkled her nose and let out a puff of frustration, and the golden monkey climbed from the back of the sofa to her shoulder, chattering in her ear. _She probably just started at St. Sophia's, _the monkey thought to her._ She's obviously new since we don't know her. There's no way she's done any substantial work. She probably hasn't even passed her test to be admitted to the Royal Arctic Institute!_

"Tell them how you first got into it all, Vanessa." Marisa's heart skipped a beat and her insides squirmed as Asriel came up from behind her, one hand on her waist and his other on his wine glass. "I'll bet they've never heard a story like yours."

That was it. Uncrossing her legs and standing up, swinging the monkey onto her right shoulder, Marisa picked up her clutch and made her way over to the other end of the room, taking care to detour right by them. A few people looked up and uttered their greetings, those sappy, pathetic smiles on their faces, and when she was directly beside Asriel and the woman, she turned her head to stare directly at him.

Gray eyes met blue, and for a short instant, Marisa sensed everything she'd ever felt about him. The monkey gripped her shoulder as she remembered his wide, arrogant smile and his large, tender hand, and she felt herself shudder as she remembered the way he stared at her like she was the only person in the universe. She felt something almost like hysteria threaten to overwhelm her, and as she looked away to gaze instead at Vanessa, whose eyes were crinkled in the midst of a laugh, she felt something even stronger fight its way through her system.

Marisa Coulter _hated _her. She hated the way she smiled, the way she dressed, the way she talked, and she particularly hated the way she leaned in comfortably to Asriel's embrace. She couldn't believe how anyone could choose someone so strikingly ordinary over her, and as she finally turned away, aware of his eyes watching her, she couldn't believe how this man could completely and entirely crush her heart.

* * *

**Before we can get to the core of the affair, we must start from the very beginning. So naturally, we must start from the first of what was Asriel and Marisa.**

* * *

Glancing down at his watch, which ticked and hummed at an alarmingly loud volume, Asriel threw aside his newspaper and downed the rest of his coffee. It was rather weak, but that was to be expected of a low-ranked hotel adorned with poor service and second-hand merchandise. Leaving the mug right there on the desk, Asriel rounded the corner, grabbed his coat, twisted the doorknob, and left without a sound, his daemon right on his trail. If it were up to him, he'd never come back, but he unfortunately had a string of research presentations he had to suffer through.

Asriel was a tall, broad-shouldered man with long hands, large feet, dark golden hair, and a generally bigger build to his frame. Not a fat frame, of course, but simply large in appearances. This would normally make one feel self-conscious since people were always so intimidated and threatened by bigger people, but for Asriel, he realized he could use it to his advantage. His snow leopard daemon had lush, silky fur and neat, bright patches of white on her chest and her paws. Her eyes blazed golden rays of tawny, and Asriel had heard rumors that people thought she sometimes ate raw meat when she and Asriel were in the North. The thought made him laugh, and he cuffed Stelmaria on the shoulder blade. People were so easy to frighten and entertain.

When they reached Jordan College, Asriel already felt himself sigh and grow weary as he watched all the old men in their finely-pressed suits gather to exchange hands and heartless greetings. Looking down at his own tweed blazer and thin dress shirt, he felt rather underdressed, but he really didn't care. Dressing up was for snobs, and Asriel was an explorer. Stelmaria lashed her tail, and as the pair took a moment to calculate their next move, the unexpected happened.

She had long, beautiful dark hair that was curled and pinned partway up, and her eyes were a deep shade of the clearest of blues. She wore a cedar-colored fur coat atop a sparkling beige dress that was tucked to the side with a broach, and her face was splashed with just the right amount of makeup so that she sincerely seemed to shine. Stelmaria had seen her first since she was looking out at the hallway, and when the woman turned to face their general direction, Asriel made out a handsome golden monkey clinging to her shoulder, his face and paws stained onyx while the rest of his body shimmered gold.

As she entered the room, her eyes slowly swiveled to meet his. It was if some kind of anbaric charge surged through him, and as Asriel found himself moving towards her, he felt this strange, inexplicable sensation surge through the pit of his stomach. Stelmaria felt it too, and as they stopped to greet her, taking in her curves and her milky skin, they realized that they'd never been more taken with a woman.

"Hello," she mused, her voice quiet and even as she continued to gaze at him.

"Hello," he repeated, dipping his head and reaching out for her hand. She extended it, and as Asriel brushed his lips against the soft, smooth surface, he took in a sweet scent that was intoxicating yet somehow oddly metallic. He'd never smelled anything like that before, and though the sheer force of it somewhat disturbed him, he felt like he could never get enough of it.

"Are you one of the presenters tonight?" Her tone was light and casual, and she seemed thoroughly intrigued.

"Not quite," Asriel responded, finding himself torn between an opportunity to brag about his research and an opportunity to find out more about this woman. He wondered why she was there in the first place since it was a very scholarly convention composed of the brightest and (unfortunately) most sexist pigs in the industry, but more importantly, he wondered if she was accompanied and who her companion was. "I'm not slated to present tonight, but I am set to travel to the North in a month. I'm here to get the overview of the college's existing work so that I can build upon with my own research."

"The North?" she echoed, her eyes suddenly bright. "How exciting… Will it be your first time?"

"No, it'll actually be my third. I've done a couple preliminary searches over the past few years, but this will be my first full-fledged research assignment."

"What is the focus of your research?"

"Experimental theology with a concentration on Rusakov theories."

Her eyes locked with his, and Asriel found himself lost in their shimmering blue depths. He wanted to skip beyond the small talk and get directly to who she was and if she wanted to get a drink afterwards, but before he could do so, a man slipped between them and placed his hand on her waist. "Are you ready, my dear? We're about to start."

Without a word, she nodded and then proceeded to turn around, allowing the man to usher her forward. The golden monkey glanced back at them, and Asriel felt a small smile play at the corner of his lips. Stelmaria rested her head against his knee, and he found himself feeling oddly elated.

Later, as the conference came to a close, he saw her moving towards the refreshments - alone. Stelmaria watched from her perch near the table as the lady and the golden monkey came up to fill their coffee cup, and the daemon narrowed her eyes as she fiddled with the creamer.

"I never did catch your name." The woman paused to look over at him, her eyes flickering in the reflection of the nearby fireplace.

"Asriel," he said quickly, feeling his smile return. She came back. "Asriel Belacqua."

"I'm Marisa Coulter." She held his gaze for a millisecond before pouring her coffee and then turning back around, returning to the man with the steam-pressed tuxedo and the chameleon daemon.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Over the past few weeks he saw her every now and again. She'd be at the library checking out a book or at one of the colleges talking to some scholar, and though their eyes met every time in a sort of strained, distanced recognition, they never spoke a word to one another. She'd flash him a smile, a light, fleeting smile, but nothing more. He'd return it to find her turn away to focus back on her task or back on her companion. Just knowing she knew he was there was oddly comforting, so Asriel didn't mind.

The next time he actually talked to her was at the Royal Arctic Institute, where Asriel was scheduled to present his preliminary findings at the bi-annual Northern Research Conference. He had put together meticulous records of the Aura's elements and functions, perhaps more so than any other scholar, and the Institute had gladly asked him to share his findings before he went away the North. He'd be leaving for Svalbard the next week, and it was perhaps that which gave him to courage to go over to her.

She was standing by the Skraeling exhibit while peering into the glass, her daemon sitting with his arm crooked around her right leg. This time she wore a frilly white blouse with a matching skirt, and she had her hair down, curled to rest fashionably on her shoulders.

As he approached her, Asriel reeled his brain for something to say. It'd be pathetic to just approach her and be utterly speechless, but he didn't want to ramble either. He didn't know why, but there was just something different about her. They'd only talked for a few minutes at the Jordan conference and he'd only watched her from afar since, but he felt an odd urge to impress her. As Stemaria prowled along next to him and brushed his leg slightly, he felt something stir in the center of his chest that almost resembled nervousness.

She sensed him coming before he was able to reach her, and she turned around to greet him, smiling.

"Asriel," she said, taking a moment to look at him. Asriel thought he caught her eyes flick quickly up and down. "How lovely to see you again."

"And you as well." He dipped his head to her, feeling his chest grow tighter and tighter at this formal flattery, but a part of him softened as she extended her hand and let it linger within his. "How have you been?"

Naturally, he didn't _really _want to break the ice and chit-chat through pleasantries. A part of him wanted to get to the chase about who that man at the conference was, and another wanted to be so bold as to reach out and feel her hair.

She seemed to sense some kind of impatience coming from him, so she took a step closer and lowered her voice. "Aren't you leaving for the North soon? How long will you be gone?"

Stelmaria let out a puff of air, and Asriel felt his eyebrows rise. What was that supposed to mean? Why did she care?

"I leave next week," he answered, still trying to figure out where this was going. He couldn't help but glance down at her chest and her waist, and though he tried to hide it, he was sure she noticed. "I'll be gone for three months, and I might like to see you when I return." He didn't know what made him say it, but by the way the golden monkey inched closer to Stelmaria and the way Marisa's eyes glittered at him, he was starting to think that maybe he wasn't so bold after all.

"I might like to see you as well," she replied, her mouth forming to reveal her perfectly white teeth encompassed by her rosy red lips. "But three months is a while, and I'm not sure what my husband's agenda will be like."

Husband? Agenda? Asriel found his heart starting to race, and he loved the way she kept up with his coyness and provided that tantalizing allure that made him want to just wrap his arms around her. He didn't particularly like the fact that she was married, which he had already suspected, but it all somehow came together to make the entire thing thrilling.

"Maybe it'll work out, but maybe it won't." He shrugged his shoulders, watching her out of the corner of his eye, and he thought he saw the corner of her lips twitch for a moment.

"Only time will tell," she sighed, glancing down at her watch and then bending down to gather her daemon. Her hair fell from out behind her ears as she did so, and a fresh, sweet scent raked Asriel's nostrils. He also fixed his eyes on her center as she lowered herself, but he diverted his gaze as she came back up and pretended to be looking behind her at the Skraeling exhibit.

She stroked the monkey's ears a moment as she looked at him, biting her lip slightly, and she then moved to walk past him, pausing when she was standing beside him.

She was standing very, very close, and Asriel felt the side of her chest just barely touching his shoulder. Her mouth was close to his ear, sending warm breaths tingling down his spine, and her scent enveloped him more than ever and made him close his eyes in a sudden swirl of bliss. "Good luck with your research, Asriel. I hope you gather enough for another conference."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own the His Dark Materials series.**

**A/N: **Bonjour, tout le monde! Here is the next part of the sequence. This is still telling the tale of Asriel and Marisa, and in order to get to how he meets Vanessa and what it all really means, we have to watch a bit of history unfold. Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy it!

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_**o2.**_

The North was a barren, savage place, and it was not something to take lightly. Asriel had been waiting his entire life to do official research and to make a meaningful contribution to the field, and as he measured and calculated the force of the Aurora and listened to the eerie silence flecked with bits of foreign, unworldly noise, he knew that he had something. He couldn't prove it, but Asriel finally felt that he understood all of those tribal legends speaking of mysteries that whispered around the Aurora. It was real, and though there wasn't much he could do without proper equipment and thus proper funding, he had the start of a foundation that would take him to the top.

When he came back, however, he had another thing on his mind: Marisa Coulter. For the past three months he'd undoubtedly advanced his research, but he had also spent a great deal of time fantasizing what he wanted to do with Marisa in bed. That was rash, he knew, and he'd been doing enough work to be able to forget about her, but he couldn't help it. There was something about her smile and the way her eyes teased him that drove him wild. He hardly knew her, but there was this magnetic tension between them that had captivated his very soul.

So when he finally ran into her at the second Northern Research Conference at the Royal Arctic Institute a few weeks after his return, he found himself nearly breathless when he found her sitting on a sofa near the entrance. She was wearing a long golden dress adorned with a fur wrap-around that curled down below her chest. Her hair was twisted up and her makeup was more pronounced since the last time he'd seen her, but she still looked devastatingly beautiful.

"Hi," he breathed, stopping in front of her and not even bothering to play the aristocrat game. She hadn't seen him coming this time, so when she looked up at him, he was able to fully enjoy her look of surprise and a buried trace of excitement.

"Asriel," she said, uncrossing her legs to get up. The golden monkey moved from her shoulders to the back of the sofa, and Marisa rose to stand in front of him, smiling. "I see you really did get enough for another research conference."

The fact that she remembered their last encounter made Asriel happier than she'd ever know. Stelmaria started purring as she dipped her head to the golden monkey, and Asriel merely smiled and continued to gaze at her, relishing this moment that he'd waited months for. "Yes. And I daresay I'll most likely have many more."

He didn't know what made him do it, but it was at that moment he decided to reach for her hand. It wasn't to kiss it like he'd done before, which was an old tradition reserved for any man to any woman, but it was to hold it, like a husband might hold his wife's. "I'm really happy to see you again."

Marisa's smile, meanwhile, seemed to fall a little. She gently removed her hand from his and then sat back on the couch, looking up at him with flickering eyes. "I can see that. Now why don't you go get ready to present? I might have some questions for you afterwards."

Frowning slightly, Asriel merely stared at her, not sure of what just happened. Surely she felt the same way, and surely he wasn't misreading things? She'd nibbled his ear three months before and had practically seduced him. Even today he felt that same, strange tension, and as he dipped his head and turned away, Stelmaria tossing the woman and her daemon a quizzical look, he felt slightly crestfallen.

But when he got up to speak and saw the crowd for the first time, he understood why. Seated in the front row were Marisa and the man with a chameleon daemon. His right arm was draped causally over her chair and his left hand rested lightly on her thigh. Her own hand covered his while she leaned towards him, but as Asriel gazed down at her and her daemon, he saw a careful wall of isolation swimming in her eyes.

He gave his speech and his presentation, which was met with initial discomfort but eventual acceptance and jubilation, and the entire time, he had Stelmaria watch her. The snow leopard watched her eyes gaze admiringly up at his data and his charts along with the way he was able to rally the crowd, and she also watched the way her husband absentmindedly drew circles on her leg and seemed disconnected from Asiel's work.

At the end, after shaking hands and engaging in chats about where he was headed next and what steps he had yet to fulfill, Stelmaria butted his leg when she saw Marisa's husband step away with some men from the clergy, their faces grim as they headed towards another room. Picking up on it, Asriel immediately found Marisa alone at the refreshment table and immediately slipped away from his admirers to be able to speak to her, everyone else absorbed in the aftermaths of the presentation.

"That was really something," she mused as he came up to her, feeling himself growing giddy again. He watched as she poured herself a cup of tea and added two lumps of sugar, and he watched as she stirred it gingerly before pressing it to her lips. He watched everything she was doing, and a part of him cherished it since he knew he couldn't predict when he'd see it again.

"I appreciate that, Marisa. I could tell you enjoyed it, and I'm glad that you're so keen with experimental theology."

"It really is a fascinating subject."

"The most fascinating and most misunderstood."

"I wish more people could understand its overall value."

"It's what keeps our solar system alive."

"And I particularly wish that my husband didn't think you were a heretic."

Admittedly, Asriel didn't see that coming. Staring at her with her glittering blue eyes and her rapt concentration, he almost wasn't sure if he should believe it. Stelmaria was absorbed on watching the golden monkey groom his fur, and as Asriel continued to think about it, it made sense.

Her husband, he had found out, was called Edward Coulter, and he was Oxford's Magisterial Minister of the Commons. What that really meant was that he went around giving speeches supporting the Church's authoritative claims while pretending to be some kind of advocate. He had his own public office and his own staff of officials, and he spent a great deal of time mingling with the people and campaigning to earn their trust and their obedience.

As one with such direct ties to the church, it made sense for him to resist Asriel's research. What he was suggesting was quite the scandal, and if the entire city went around truly believing there was something magical coming down from the stars, the entire Magisterium would lose its power.

But right there at that moment, he didn't care about Edward Coulter or the Magisterium. For Asriel, the only thing that mattered was Marisa Coulter, and as he stared her straight in the face and felt his jaw clench, he asked: "and what do _you _think, Marisa?"

She paused to consider him for a moment, her eyes lingering on his clearly agitated face and then on the twitching tail of his daemon. "I have no opinion of such political matters. But as far as your research goes, I think you're brilliant."

If there hadn't been a hundred prominent people standing in the room, Asriel would have backed Marisa to the wall and kissed her hard until she screamed. She must have sensed this jolt for she smiled and leaned closer to him, her minty breath flooding his nostrils. "I believe that there's a storage room in the back."

Before anyone had time to miss them, they made their way over the very corner of the room and quickly opened the small, wooden door. Marisa went in first with Asriel close behind, and when he closed the door and submerged them all in darkness, their bodies and daemons pressed close in the compactness of the room, he felt her hand gently touch his.

He bent down and somehow managed to find her soft, moist lips. She raised her arms to wrap them around his neck as he pulled her closer to him, and as he took his fingers and weaved them through her soft, silky curls, he felt a roar in his stomach that rivaled anything else he'd ever experienced. Her body was so warm and so comfortable wrapped around his, and as she moved from kissing his lips to nibbling the side of his neck, her nose grazing his ear, he didn't know how he happened upon something so great.

After a few minutes, Asriel started to move his hands down Marisa's waist when she suddenly stopped him.

"We've been in here too long," she murmured, her face just in front of his. "I'll leave first and find Edward, and you can leave after a couple minutes."

When she turned away and reached for the door, Asriel leaned forward to place his face in the crook of her neck. "My next conference will be at Cambridge University in three weeks from tomorrow."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

She made it to the Cambridge conference, her hair all done up in curls and her eyes complete with long, back lashes, and they shared a half hour in an empty classroom, getting to know each other fully for the first time. His influence sky-rocketed and he found himself busy with various guest lectures and conferences around different parts of the world, so they spent time together in the library, reading across from each other in complete silence only to slip away to an abandoned corridor and communicate through a different silence.

However, after a while, she stopped coming to conferences. She also was never at the library, and Asriel didn't know what to think of it. The months went by and he'd heard from colleagues that Coulter and his wife had been at such-and-such meeting promoting such-and-such cause, and Asriel really didn't know how to feel. His research started to bog down on him at any rate, and while he spent hours poring through records and data with no one there to ask him about it and to take his mind off it, Asriel wondered if she was merely a dream.

One cold January night in Oxford, though, she seemed to reappear from the mist. As he made his way back to his crummy hotel room, Stelmaria trudging along in his shadow after a tiring day of research, he saw her come out of a church.

She was wearing one of her full-length fox furs and was clutching a bejeweled purse. Her heels clicked loudly against the gravel of the sidewalk, and as she and her party neared, Asriel found his heart filling with scorn and bitterness. Stelmaria uttered a low, rumbling growl, and Marisa noticed him just at that moment, her eyes glancing his way as if only by happenstance. When the group finally appeared right in front of the hotel's doorstep, it was Edward who stopped and approached him, a wide, fake smile on his face. "Asriel Belacqua! What are the odds of running into you? How are you doing?"

The sound of the brute's loud, chipper voice was enough to make Asriel vomit, but it was the intense stare of Marisa that encouraged him to go along with it. "I'm doing very well, Edward. Thanks for asking. How are you? Just coming back from mass?"

It was the aristocratic way to take one of even semi importance out for drinks after running into them, and since they were somewhat far from their home, Edward allowed Marisa to join them. They stopped at some posh bar at the center of the city inside one of the more formidable hotels, and as the three made their way over to the bar, Edward ordering himself and Asriel Tokay while ordering Marisa some kind of fancy fruit cocktail, Asriel finally looked at her. She avoided his gaze as she ran her fingers through the golden monkey's fur, and she then proceeded to smile and laugh with Edward as he told some kind of bland, over-used joke. Asriel wasn't really listening, and when their drinks arrived, he took his glass and drained it all in one gulp.

"My lord, Asriel," said Edward, laughing awkwardly as Asriel tapped on the counter and asked for a scotch. "Had a rough day, have you?"

"You couldn't even imagine," Asriel answered, trying his best to talk to Edward and Edward alone. "You'd think that being an explorer would make you used to long, fatiguing days, but I guess I've lost a bit of my edge."

When Edward drained his own glass and ordered another, his smile starting to become more natural and his laugh more lighthearted, Asriel could understand what Marisa saw in him. He was a crooked politician, to be sure, but underneath the title and its influence, he seemed like a clever, witty gentleman eager to talk and share his experiences. He wasn't that breathtakingly handsome, especially for one of Marisa's beauty, but he wasn't completely ugly, so he seemed to be a real package of some sort. Marisa had hardly touched her drink, and when Asriel waved down the bartender for his fourth, the thought never occurred to him why Edward had really brought him there.

"So tell me, good man," Edward was saying, turning to look at Asriel fully. "We've been hearing some awful rumors about that research of yours, and I'm sure there's more than what the newspapers say. What are you _really _doing up there in the North?"

Perhaps it was the alcohol, but Asriel found his seemingly subtle interrogation to be completely amusing. He let out a loud, hearty laugh, and as Stelmaria pricked her ears and blinked a lazy eye at Edward, Asriel just couldn't keep it in. "Never the more tactful, are you, Coulter? Are you asking me if I'm committing heresy with my work?"

For the first time in a while, Marisa finally spoke. "Edward, darling, I'm starting to feel a bit of a chill. Would you be so kind as to go get my furs from the coatroom?"

Caught between two rather abrupt demands, Edward eyed Asriel carefully, hesitated for a moment, and then stood up, smoothing down his suit. "Of course, my dear. Asriel, if you'll excuse me."

When he was gone, Marisa quickly switched seats and had her face very, very close to Asriel's, her blue eyes hard. She was wearing that perfume that he liked, and her breath was as fruity as her cocktail. "You don't want to do this, Asriel. Tell him what he wants to hear and then go home."

Sitting there with her like that, he drunk and she completely sober as her husband was off getting her coat for her, Asriel didn't know what to think. Of course there was still a part of him that found their close proximity to be simply tantalizing, but it seemed that an even larger part of Asriel found himself disgusted with her and embarrassed that he had ever considered she'd take a sincere interest in him. All along he'd only been an extra and a mere distraction, and she had her own perfect life when she wasn't fooling around with petty little him. "Be quiet, Marisa." He paused and glared at her, all of his frustration and heartache pouring out in one, single moment. "This is a matter between two men, so you should understand your place and stay out of it."

He knew he went too far the moment he said it, and he felt her cold surprise and betrayal before it even entered her face. The golden monkey screeched from his perch on her chair, and as Stelmaria let out a burp and Lord Asriel continued to gaze at her, words choked in his mouth, she said: "I expected more of you, Asriel. I really did like you."

She then pulled away and returned to her seat as Edward came back, holding out her furs and helping her slip inside. Asriel sat there reliving what had just happened, and when Edward sat back down with a good-natured smile in a "now where were we?" type of manner, Asriel stood up, pushing his glass away. "I'm sorry, Edward, but I really have had too much to drink. I'm sorry for my candor, and if you'll excuse me, I must be going."

There were a few words of protest, a few more of understanding, a few more offering compliments and good wishes, and then there were their goodbyes, which felt particularly strained and awkward.

"Until next time, Asriel. I'm sure we'll meet again at one of various conferences. My Marisa is quite the scholar herself, and we're always attending the best of the brightest. Isn't that right, my love?"

After a tense half-second, Marisa smiled and then dipped her head, embarrassed pride seemingly radiating from her eyes. "I do have quite an interest. Things might not always be the same, but there's always something out there that can grab your attention."

And with that came Asriel's gruff goodbye as he hobbled out of the bar and back towards his hotel, Stelmaria struggling in his wake.

When he finally got back to his room and finally was able to lie in bed, his body screaming for him to sleep and to never wake up, he couldn't stop thinking about her. He'd been so rude and so careless, but she'd been equally as heartless and ruthless. It'd been months, and she didn't think he'd be angry? She didn't think he'd mind?

And then there was all that rubbish about things not being the same and things being out there to grab one's attention. Asriel thought she was just pulling stuff out of the air, but Stelmaria thought she was giving a hint. He hurt her feelings, and she was angry. Very, very angry. And if there was one thing he could infer from Marisa Coulter it was that she didn't take well to people making her angry.

So as he kicked his shoes off and climbed under the covers, Asriel thought about what it all meant. Perhaps he had reached too far out of his league, and perhaps he had gambled too much since she was the wife of the clever Magisterial Minister of the Commons. In the end, perhaps he should just throw in the towel and give up, and perhaps he should try to find someone who won't toy with his emotions and stoop to embracing in storage rooms with her husband prowling around nearby.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own the His Dark Materials series.**

**A/N: **Hi all! Here is the third installment of the story. We're read about the affluent affair between Marisa and Asriel, but what about Vanessa? Where does she fit in, and what does Marisa initially think? Read on, and let's get started! Thanks for reading, and please drop off a review!

* * *

**o3.**

Asriel was buried in a pile of books at the very end of the library. It was about two o'clock on a Saturday afternoon, and the Royal Arctic Institute was the only place he'd been for days. Of their massive collection of Northern research were some of the most under-studied and under-published materials in the entire world, and if Asriel was to go back to the North with any more improvements and any more success, he simply had to read and absorb all of it.

Stelmaria leaned lazily against his leg beneath his study carol as she groomed her chest and smoothed out her fur. He tapped his foot occasionally, a side effect of being deep in thought, and as he recorded notes and copied figures and tables, he was really starting to feel tired. One could only take so much.

"Excuse me," said a soft, high-pitched voice. "Are you Asriel Belacqua? Asriel Belacqua of Jordan College and the Royal Arctic Institute?"

Slightly jolted, Asriel looked up to find a woman standing next to his desk. She had darker brown hair twisted down in a braid, and her eyes were a deep shade of green, almost like a shadowed forest. She was wearing a longer navy blue dress with short sleeves, and her daemon was a panda that stood pleasantly at her side, his round eyes gazing up at him.

"I am," he said, still gazing at her. "And who are you?"

"My name is Vanessa Houser," she said, eagerly sticking out her hand. Amused, Asriel extended his own and took it, smiling at her. It was becoming more and more common for women to start doing as men do, like by attending college, giving lectures, and even writing books, but shaking hands was a most modern way to introduce oneself. Indeed, Vanessa had a very young, contemporary air about her, and as Asriel shook her hand and felt her give her own firm squeeze, he found himself intrigued.

"I'm an under-study at Sophia's College," she continued, obviously sensing his surprise and curiosity. "I just started a couple weeks ago, but I'm eager to get started with my research."

"Good for you," said Asriel, closing his book and turning so that he was facing her. "Which field do you think you'd like to go into?"

"Experimental theology," she answered almost at once. Her cheeks turned slightly pink, as if she had caught her own quickness, but she continued to smile. Her daemon gave a slight grunt as well. "There's just so much information to be discovered, and it really is an important subject we ought to delve into."

"I completely agree. I've been delving into it almost my entire life, and I still can't believe how much knowledge is still out there somewhere."

"Oh, I know all about your research. You're the one who studied the Rusakov theories up in the North a few months ago, and they say you're bound to make some real meaningful contributions in the field. I read all your papers, and I –" She then stopped suddenly, her face an even deeper shape of red than it had been before. Stelmaria started purring, her eyes narrowed, and Asriel found that he just couldn't stop smiling. _She's so eager and determined. She's so generally cute._

She looked to be rather young, perhaps only nineteen or twenty, but that didn't really mean much of anything. Asriel himself was only twenty-eight, which was considered young for a scholar, so he was the last person to judge one on their age. In fact, he could have sworn that even Marisa was no more than twenty-one or twenty-two.

Just then he realized what he had thought, and it made his heart sink a little lower. It had been a month since their encounter at the bar, and he hadn't seen her since. He didn't even run into her at the library like her used to do, and she certainly didn't come to any of his conferences. Though some would say he should be upset at how Marisa had treated him and how she had played around with him like a mere pet, a part of him still ached for her company. Feelings like that don't come or go easily, and it was all just too much to think about.

Stelmaria bumped his leg, and Asriel looked around to see that Vanessa was staring at him. She was looking at him expectantly, her green eyes shining, but Asriel didn't have the slightest clue of what she had said.

_She asked what you're reading and what you're currently working on._

Bending down to pat his daemon's head, Asriel replied: "You know, I was sifting through some books about the ancient Tartars of Svalbard and any of their connections to the Aurora, but I've really had enough of it. Would you care to join me for some coffee or some vodka?"

She let out a short, crisp laugh, and her eyes crinkled in what appeared to be genuine amusement. "I would love to, Asriel. Although it's a bit too early for me to go with the alcohol."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

After that, Asriel found himself spending more and more time with Vanessa Houser. She was at the mere beginning stages of her education at Sophia's, which consisted largely of studying calculus, elementary physics, natural and organic chemistry, and certain elements of anatomy and biology, but Vanessa still wanted to dive into experimental theology, with which Astriel was happy to assist.

She became his sort of protégé, studying with him after her lessons and asking him about all of the various components of their field. They'd often have coffee over an intricate discussion and examination of various particles, and sometimes they'd eat sandwiches over the various textbooks of the Royal Arctic Institute, wiping away the crumbs while exchanging guilty smiles. Vanessa wasn't yet a member of the Institute, but she was allowed access through Asriel, and he made sure they utilized their resources well.

But one day, as they were bent over a Muskavian textbook dealing with rare particles and elements of the very far North, Asriel happened to be looking up from his book to catch the eye of someone standing a few feet away.

She was standing there with a blue, slim-fitting dress and one of her light furs draped over her shoulders. Her curled hair trailed down towards her chest, and her blue eyes were locked intensely with his. Her daemon was standing still, his tail not making even the slightest of movements, and she seemed to be waiting for him, her eyes flickering dangerously.

"Asriel, what do you think of –"

"I'll be right back, Vanessa."

His heart pounding, Asriel pushed back his chair and stood up, Stelmaria slipping out from under the desk with Coralus to follow him. She looked over at him, her face slightly puzzled, but Marisa Coulter had already slipped out of sight and into an empty study room.

He hadn't seen her in nearly four months, and when he followed her into the study room, making sure no one was looking, he didn't know what to expect. He felt Stelmaria's mistrust and his own misgivings about whatever it was that she wanted, but above that, he felt that tight sensation in his chest. He'd felt it every time he saw her, be it in the storage room some two feet below them or near a bookshelf merely ten feet behind him, and he knew what it meant. Though he'd told himself he was done and that Marisa Coulter had been nothing but a mirage, he was still irrevocably taken with her, and the thought of being alone with her made his insides suddenly swirl.

"I see that _you've _been having a productive few months." Before the door even closed, she was right in his face, her complexion a delicate shade of reddened white. "Tell me, Asriel. Did she flatter you with compliments? Did she tell you how incredibly intelligent and handsome you are? Did she sleep with you?"

"I don't see why it's any of your concern." He was purposely keeping his voice calm and uninterested, but he inwardly felt very passionate about the issue. Who was _she _to criticize what he'd been doing outside of her company? Wasn't she the one with a husband? Wasn't she the one who had conducted an affair? Wasn't she the one to suddenly cut it all off without even a warning? "How's Edward been? Have you been impregnated with the heir to the Magisterial Minister of the Common's throne?"

At that she slapped him - _hard. _He probably deserved it, but it still hurt. Stelmaria let out a growl, and Asriel put his hand over his cheek, feeling it start to welt already.

"The _nerve_! How you _dare_! I can't _believe _this, Asriel. I really can't."

"Marisa," he said, "it was one comment." She proceeded to storm around the little study room, the golden monkey jumping up and down on the wooden desk. "I shouldn't have said that, but there's no need to throw a temper tantrum over some measly comment."

"Comment?" She turned back around, and she was staring at him. "This isn't directed towards the comment, Asriel."

"What?" Asriel was really starting to feel irritated now. She'd been nothing but belligerent, and it wasn't the exact kind of reunion he'd pictured in his head. Frankly, it was pure and utter insanity. "I don't know what you're doing, Marisa, but I was a fool to follow you in here."

And indeed that's how he always felt – the fool of a fish who took the temptress' bait and came back every single time she dangled a worm at him. For all those months he'd gathered hope and courage at her smiles and at the batting of her eyelashes, and though she had promised to be involved in something real and something meaningful, it had all been a trick. As he turned to leave, his hand reaching out for the door, she called out: "I can't believe you're cheating on me."

At that, he stopped. Stelmaria straightened her tail and flexed her claws, and Asriel slowly turned to face her again. "What did you just say?"

"You heard me." Her face solid ice, Marisa closed the distance between them. "You and I are having an affair, yet you're fooling around with that despicable excuse of an understudy."

This was too much. It was all too, too much. Staring at her, hoping that she'd somehow suddenly start making sense again, Asriel just shook his head. "You've gone mad, Marisa. I don't know what else to say to you."

With that she leaned forward and kissed him, grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling him to her. Genuinely shocked, Asriel just stood there as she thrust her tongue into his mouth and then ran her fingers through his hair and over his face. She then pressed her body tightly against his and then finally pulled away, looking him directly in the eye.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Things started to change between Asriel and Vanessa. He started asking her to nicer dinners and dressier bars, and before he knew it, he had found himself a distraction that would rival his under-the-table relationship with Marisa Coulter.

* * *

More to come! I'm thinking about switching over to Marisa's point of view now. I've been working really hard on this story, and I'd appreciate any insight!


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own the His Dark Materials series.**

**A/N: **Hi there! I'm sorry it's been a while. I've been busy with school, but now my semester is finally almost over! He's a bit of a shorter chapter, and I hope to delve back into this more thoroughly. Thanks for the reviews so far, and thanks for reading! Please let me know what you think :)

* * *

_**o4.**_

She didn't study because she wanted to. She studied because she _had _to.

As a woman, Marisa was faced with numerous disadvantages. Though her appearance and her voice were enough to make every many swoon and fall in love with her, she just didn't have the same natural capacity to make others accept her work. Men had it so easy to be taken seriously and to be granted funding and assignments, and Marisa had to work hard in school to make everyone look away from her chest and over to her head.

But of course _Vanessa _didn't seem to have this problem. On the contrary, she seemed to elicit the opposite kind of attention. Everyone was always raving about how smart and sharp that young woman was, and everyone was able to name her most recent publication and comment on her current research. Their flattery made Marisa sick, and as one who had struggled her entire life to attain a position of wealth and security, she couldn't help but feel a bit envious.

In the end, it was clear that Vanessa was everything Marisa wasn't, yet it was plain that Vanessa had everything Marisa wanted.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The alcohol was intoxicating.

Her eyes narrowed, Marisa sat down in the armchair and watched him drink it. Edward was a foolish man, and he had a weakness for aged, imported wine, especially that from the fertile regions of New France. She watched him drain his entire glass of French _Cabernet Sauvignon_ before proceeding to pour himself another, his cheeks starting to flush. His speech began to slur and blend together, and as Marisa sat there smiling at him, her golden monkey daemon slowly drawing circles on the back of his chameleon daemon's head, he started to slump back in his chair, his eyes fluttering.

Men were such greedy, ignorant pigs. They truly were. They never seemed to care about anything but their immediate wants, and it inevitably came back to haunt them. Of course Marisa always considered her wants and her needs and strove to capture the perfect essence of both, but what Edward lacked and what she flaunted was the ability to distinguish such elements with appropriate timing. In the end, it wasn't so much of what you really accomplished as it was how you chose to get there. To Marisa, the one to charm others oh so naturally and innocently is the one with all of the _real _power.

As the empty glass fell from Edward's hands, the collision with the carpet making a soft sort of thud, Marisa stood up and headed towards the door. The golden monkey grabbed her purse as she wrapped her furs around her shoulder, and she then scooped him up with an arm as she continued to walk away.

She made her way out of the flat and over to her carriage. The driver held the door open for her and saw her inside before getting into the front.

"The Emerald Hotel, please," she called, holding the golden monkey tight.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Stepping out of their carriage, Vanessa's eyes lit up. "The Emerald Hotel? You do know how to pick a party, Asriel. Are you sure I'm old enough to attend?"

Asriel laughed as he took her arm and led her down the sidewalk, Stelmaria and NAME following. That's one of the things he liked about Vanessa. She had such an innocent presence about her that was paired with a slight sense of dry humor. Of course she _was _rather young to be attending such a posh party of scholars and researchers, but then again, so was he.

"To hell with it," he said, sharing her smile. "Perhaps we can bring some life into it."

And indeed, as they entered the lobby and moved into the ballroom, the atmosphere was flat. Loud, atrocious music played from one of the record players, and as Asriel and Vanessa looked around, all they saw were old men in old suits talking to even older men in older suits. That's how the nature of the scholastic field was, and it really wasn't something Asriel could change. In a way, it was convenient since all of the old goats couldn't keep track of what people were doing, and Asriel remembered plenty of times when he and Marisa were able to sneak around in complete secrecy.

Sadness filled his heart at the memory, and he flashed back to the Royal Arctic Institute a month ago. She'd summoned him then, her face a mask of carefully concealed rage that only he could detect, and she had revealed her anger and her hurt at being replaced by a mere "child." He didn't expect her to know that much about he and Vanessa's relationship, but in the end, Marisa _did _know her way around.

_Relationship? _Stelmaria blinked at him, and Asriel paused. _Is that what this is?_

That, Asriel realized, was a good question. He looked over at Vanessa, who was gazing at him softly. They'd spent an exorbitant amount of time together over the past few months, and more importantly, she'd become much more gentle and much more caring with him. She'd fix his collar for him when it was sticking out at an odd angle, and she'd get him refills on his coffee when he gulped it down during their research outings. Asriel had always thought gestures like that were kind ones between two researchers and two friends, but the more he looked into it, the more he saw the softer, more intimate acts of courtship.

_Marisa never did that. _Stelmaria blinked again and leaned her head on Asriel's leg. _You were always chasing her. There was never any time for such things._

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

She saw them as soon as she walked through the door. With the golden monkey clinging tightly to her shoulder, Marisa entered the ballroom and looked directly at them, heat rushing to her neck.

Vanessa was wearing a long green dress with a black sweater wrapped around her shoulders, and it was hideously juvenile. She had faux-diamond earrings and a couple of dull, inexpensive bracelets, and Asriel sported one of his old, tacky suits from the far regions of the South. They were a typically unimpressive duo, and the sight of them made Marisa want to break something.

Of all the people he would choose to be with over her, it had to be Vanessa? It had to be a young, worthless under-study, and it had to be someone with whom he could date in public? Marisa didn't know much about the girl, but she knew enough to know that she wasn't anything extraordinary. If anything, Marisa realized with a snort, she wasn't anywhere _near _as accomplished and sophisticated as she. There was no competition, and it was all ridiculous.

As if by instinct, his eyes swiveled to meet hers, and gray met blue. Marisa stared back calmly, concealing her own emotion, and she felt the golden monkey shiver beside her. _Look at him. Look at his arrogance. Look at his _face.

But she didn't want to. Turning away, Marisa walked over towards an acquaintance and held out her hand, flashing him a dazzling smile. The old man was lost, and as they engaged in delicate, meaningless chatter, she was aware of Asriel's eyes boring into the back of her charcoal dress. Vanessa was looking at her as well, probably out of innocent curiosity, and as Marisa presently moved across the room, she tossed him a look.

She didn't think it was possible to combine so many feelings and heartaches into one single glance, but Marisa surprised even herself. She felt herself tremble with every emotion she had ever felt, and as she broke the contact and made for the hallway, she heard his voice and his footsteps as he followed her out.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own the His Dark Materials series.**

**A/N: **Hey everyone! I'm SO sorry for the HUGE delay! College has been making me crazy busy lately. But here's an update, and please let me know what you think! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

* * *

_**o5.**_

"Marisa, I wasn't expecting to see you here." Her eyes were staring down toward the left of the stairway, her eyelashes long and dark in the dim lighting of the hallway. Under the soft naptha lighting, her pale skin had a translucent quality about it, and Asriel noticed how it sparkled almost as brightly as her diamond necklace. It was rather attractive, he admittedly noted, and the way she was pouting could be perceived by some to be irresistibly seductive.

"And I wasn't expecting to see her here."

"Marisa." He didn't know what made him do it, but Asriel reached out for her gloved hand. She snatched it away immediately and her eyes lifted to glare directly into the pits of his, their depths a blue pool of ice and feeling, just the way he remembered them.

"Don't you dare touch me, Asriel. Don't you dare even _speak_ to me. Do you know what you're doing to me? Do you know how you're making me feel?"

"Rejected, worthless? Temporary, second-rate?" She merely glowered at him. "I understand it well, Marisa. I understand it _very _well."

And there they were again at that weird state of oppressive competition. Everything was always worse for Marisa, and everything was always so _dramatic_. Stelmaria let out a deep growl as she advanced toward the golden monkey, and Asriel felt his own impatience gnawing at his chest. Nothing seemed to have changed with her, and perhaps it never would. The entire earth had to revolve around Marisa, and when for some reason it didn't, all hell broke loose with her wrath.

"Of course you understand," she spat, moving a bit closer. "You understand _everything, _don't you? You're just the smartest and wisest of us all, aren't you?"

"Marisa –"

"That's why you're fucking her, isn't it?" Marisa was now very close to Asriel's face. Her eyes burned into his, and the golden monkey towered over Stelmaria, his tail thrashing. "Because you have all the power? Because you're just the greatest thing to ever walk this planet?"

"Now, listen here, I –"

"No. _You _listen." Her face was not even an inch away. "I'm on to your game, Asriel. I know what you're doing, and I'll be damned if you're going to stand here and tell me that you actually love that little bitch. I'll be damned if you try and insult my intelligence even further."

Not knowing what he was doing and not being able to control it, Asriel slapped her. It was a loud, hard slap, and it felt _good. _After all of the turmoil he went through due to Marisa and her temper and Marisa and her perverted sense of courtship, Asriel felt like he had finally stood up for himself. The slap made Marisa totter backwards, and her hand flashed immediately to her already-reddening cheek.

In an instant, however, Asriel realized what he had done and felt a hot sense of shame and horror replace the triumph. Stelmaria whimpered as the golden monkey screeched, and Asriel quickly went over to her. "Marisa? Marisa, I'm sorry, I just –"

He broke off just then for he realized that Marisa was _crying, _actually _crying. _Her curls had fallen out of place a bit as she stood there, slumped with her hand cradling her cheek, and tears streaked from those devilishly furious and pained eyes.

"Marisa…" He didn't know what to say, and he knew that nothing would relieve the situation. In all the time that he'd known her, he'd _never _seen Marisa cry. She was always so strong and so composed, so clever and so cold. This wasn't like her, and he highly doubted that it stemmed from the stinging of his hand.

His head spinning, Asriel merely stood there, watching her. He didn't know what else to do, and as Stelmaria slouched beside the golden monkey, whose little black hands clung desperately to his human's legs, Asriel didn't know if there was anything that he _could _do.

"Are you happy now?" Her voice was low and gravelly, as if fighting back the tears that still threatened to spill. "Is this what you wanted?"

"No, Marisa." He stepped forward, closing the distance between them. The golden monkey growled as Stelmaria reached her paw out toward him, and Asriel continued to watch as Marisa stared at him. "This was never what I wanted. _She's _never what I wanted."

In that moment, it was as if an invisible barrier had broken between the two. Asriel felt it as her eyes widened and her lip trembled, and he felt it as she came closer and put her hand on his arm.

"Damn it, Asriel," she whispered, another tear flowing down her inflamed cheek. He reached over and wiped it for her, letting his hand linger to caress her skin. "Damn it."

"What?" Asriel was aware of the daemons circling each other, small moans erupting from their throats, but he was most aware of her eyes, which were completely glued to his. "What's the matter?"

Without a word, she leaned forward and gently pressed her lips to his. It wasn't rough and hungry like the last time they had embraced but soft and tender. Asriel felt her arm snake up his back to rest gingerly on his head while her other touched his cheek.

"Marisa," he murmured again, gazing into her eyes as she stopped to look at him, her expression still unreadable.

"Damn it, Asriel," she repeated, moving to lean her head against his chest. He put a hand around her back and his other on her head. "Damn the way you make me feel."

"Asriel? Asriel, darling, are you in here? Professor Sullivan is just about to –"

Out of the corner of his eye, Asriel saw Vanessa appear in the doorway of the ballroom, her green dress flowing as her panda daemon followed in her wake. He felt Marisa stiffen in his arms, but most importantly as he turned around to the girl, Asriel saw the look of utter surprise and emotion that flitted across her face.

"Asriel?" Her voice was quietly soft, as if speaking louder would bring certainty to what she was witnessing. By now Marisa had stood up, also looking at her, and her blue eyes glared into the depths of her opponent's green ones.

Before Asriel could do or say anything, Vanessa left, her footsteps hurrying away back the way she came.

It was all a terribly hard and confusing time for Asriel. He hadn't drunken enough wine to be able to deal with this. He had been contemplating his and Vanessa's relationship for months on end, and now that he finally had reached a conclusive stance on it and felt that they truly were a couple, he had his doubts and reverted back to Marisa, perhaps foolishly yet perhaps not.

_Go after her, _Stelmaria urged, her yellow eyes staring unflinchingly at him. _It's the right thing to do. She needs to know._

Never had Asriel ever thought about revealing his relationship with Marisa to anybody, _especially _not to his current companion (or whatever she was), but Stelmaria had a point. Vanessa was young and innocent and didn't deserve such treatment. She deserved the honest truth and the upmost respect, and Asriel owed it to her.

"I have to talk to her." Asriel moved away from Marisa only to feel a light touch on his back, sending chills down his spine.

"No," she said, her voice perfectly controlled and even like nothing had happened. "Perhaps I should. I dare say she's not the happiest with you at the moment."

_Why would she offer to do that? _Stelmaria stared up at the woman, her eyes yellow slits. _I don't trust her, Asriel. She's up to something._

"No, it's fine." Asriel's voice was firm, for he agreed with Stelmaria. Marisa wasn't one to forgive, and she clearly already had some kind of vendetta against the girl. "I'll be back."

But to Asriel's surprise, the pressure on his back strengthened and he turned to see Marisa standing close to him again, her minty breath close to his mouth.

"Asriel, please?" Those eyes, those exquisite eyes, scored through to his very soul. "I feel like I need to make this right. This happened because of me, after all. It all did."

She had a point there, and though a part of Asriel warned him that Marisa would only cause trouble, another part swooned at how gentle and light her touch was and how beautiful her eyes were. He'd always had a weakness for those damned eyes, and as she stood there practically begging him, he really couldn't resist.

"Fine," he said, aware of his daemon's cold sense of surprise. "Just don't be too hard on her, and… And please tell her I'd like to see her and talk about it."

Asriel sensed the faintest trace of annoyance in Marisa's gaze, but any sense of it disappeared as she smiled and leaned in close to him, kissing his lips. "I'll take care of it, darling. Don't fret."

_Darling. _As Marisa gathered the golden monkey and walked toward the ballroom, casting him one last smile, Asriel found himself feeling warm. Even after all this time, he was her darling. It was a terribly common term and Vanessa herself had used it moments earlier, but when it came from Marisa's mouth, it was different. It was _special._

"You're a fool." Stelmaria's voice rang loud and clear. "You're nothing but a fool, Asriel."

Fool or no fool, Asriel truly didn't care. At that moment in time, he didn't know _what _to care about.

* * *

Hmm, I wonder what Marisa will say? ;) Thanks for reading! Stay tuned to see what happens!


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** **I do not own the His Dark Materials Series.**

**A/N: **Hi, everyone!I'm so sorry for the delay on this story. I've been crazy busy with school, but I'm almost done with the semester and hope to be able to write more soon! Thank you so much for the kind reviews. I love these characters, so I always try my best to do them justice! I hope you like this new chapter. Let me know what you think! Have a great day!

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_**o6.**_

_What are you doing? _The golden monkey hissed as Marisa entered the ballroom, her eyes searching for the young girl in the long green dress and the tight black sweater. _Why are you even getting involved?_

"Because." It was barely a whisper, and Marisa smiled, her white teeth glinting in the light. "There are some things you just have to do."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Vanessa made it to the punch table and then collapsed against it, feeling herself growing more and more lost within her whirlwind of emotions. Marlaca rubbed against her legs, his eyes peeled to their surroundings for any sign of him, and Vanessa could do nothing more than hold back the sobs that threatened to escape from her chest.

Asriel wasn't the kind of person she expected to do that. Most scholars in their field seemed to be adventurous, no doubt, but she had thought that, for Asriel, it was contained to land and to the artic. Who even _was _that woman? Why was he with her? And more importantly, Vanessa realized, fighting back the lump in her throat, why wasn't she enough for him?

From the side of the room, a door opened and light footsteps sounded. Looking up, Vanessa saw the woman approach her, gliding slowly as if walking on an array of clouds.

"Vanessa, dear, I believe you and I should talk." In the catch of the light, her dress shimmered as gold as her lustrous daemon. It clung to her body to reveal every curve, and the way her arms moved and her legs advanced made it look as if she were dancing. Her shimmering dark hair was tucked artfully into a loose bun, and her face, Vanessa saw with shock, was simply angelic. Those blue eyes had her almost in a trance, and even though Vanessa's head was telling her she should be angry at this woman, she felt herself mesmerized.

"What do you want?" The words came out harsher than she had intended, but the woman wasn't fazed. Smiling sweetly, she came closer, her daemon cooing softly at Marlaca.

"To start," she replied, her hands reaching to pour a glass of wine, "my name is Marisa Coulter, and I'm an old acquaintance of Asriel."

"Coulter?" Vanessa frowned as Marisa nodded and handed her the red glass. She didn't accept it. "Coulter as in Edward Coulter? Are you his _wife_?"

"Yes, I am." With a laugh, Marisa took the drink herself and pressed it against her ruby lips. Her daemon wound his tail around her leg and looked up at Vanessa impishly. "We've been married for three years."

"Then what were you doing with Asriel?" Vanessa's voice was soft, but beneath its inflection, complete and utter hysteria threatened to break loose.

Absolutely nothing made sense about this situation. In the months that Vanessa had known Asriel, he'd never mentioned anything about this Marisa. Not when they were going over research, not when they were reading the newspaper, not when they were drinking coffee, not when they were lying naked in bed together – not at all. None of the other scholars had ever mentioned anyone named Marisa being involved with Asriel, and none of them had even mentioned that Asriel had been in another relationship. It was true that she worked primarily with the older, more conservative men who were locked away in the ivory towers of their research, but if Asriel and Marisa had ever courted, Vanessa certainly would have heard about it. Instead, it was if she had appeared out of thin air, drifting into Asriel's life only to completely ruin Vanessa's.

At that moment, Vanessa felt heat rush over her face. Standing there in the ballroom with her daemon curled up at her feet and her fists clenched in front of a beautiful woman and her equally beautiful daemon, she felt so _childish. _People had whispered about her and Asriel's relationship, but Vanessa never doubted it. The age difference caused quite the scandal, and people accused Asriel of adopting her as merely a pleasant distraction from his research, but Vanessa ignored all the gossip. She truly loved him, and that was always enough for her. Vanessa stood faithfully by his side, but for what? For _this_? To be led on and then cast aside for this perfect recollection of Venus?

"Are you sure you wouldn't like that drink?" Clearing her head, Vanessa turned her eyes to see Marisa holding up another glass of wine.

This time Vanessa took it, and, after draining it in one gulp, replied: "I don't know who you are, Marisa Coulter, but you have some explaining to do." Her eyes flashed. "Or else I'll have to tell your husband and the entire Church about this little incident."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

It was taking too long. Glancing down at his watch, Asriel knew that it was taking far too long. He had that foreboding feeling nestled deep into the pit of his stomach, and he just knew that something was wrong.

"Perhaps we can find them?" Stelmaria was seated by the door as Asriel paced restlessly back and forth. Her yellow eyes were narrowed, and they expressed every doubt that ran through Asriel's body.

"I don't know. I don't_ know_." Stopping just in front of the door, playing with the cuffs of his blazer, Asriel couldn't believe this was happening. When he had woken up that morning, Vanessa by his side, he had thought it would be a lovely night out. It was the first time they'd been to a formal party in a month since they were busy preparing his next voyage to the North. They had been checking calculations, placing orders, researching sources, formulating theories – they'd been working extremely hard the past month and half, so Asriel had tried everything in his power to make the evening special. He hadn't even _thought _about Marisa over the past couple weeks, yet there she was, appearing out of nowhere.

_It's all Marisa's fault. _Stelmaria let out a soft growl, and Asriel felt his face harden. _Don't be a fool, Asriel. You know it._

And in all truth, Asriel _did _know it. Since the moment she came waltzing into his life over a year ago, Marisa Coulter had brought nothing but complications. Nothing but anxiousness and suspense, longing and waiting – disappointment and pain. It'd never been a smooth ride with Marisa, but even as Marisa stabbed him time and time again with her most graceful charm, Asriel still couldn't help it. There was just something about her that always had him begging for more, regardless of how hard he resisted it.

The door opened, and Asriel turned to see Marisa standing in the threshold, one arm held to the side to caress the wooden frame. Her dress ruffled ever so slightly to accent the shape of her body, and as Asriel stared at her, his eyes glued to hers, her lips curved to form the most delicate of smiles.

"It's all taken care of." She swung her arm down and came over to him, the sequins of her dress sparkling. The golden monkey trotted by her side and winked at Stelmaria.

"And?" As Marisa stood close to him and wrapped her arms around his neck, Asriel searched the pits of her eyes. "What did you say?"

Without a word, Marisa lowered her eyes to focus on Asriel's mouth, which her lips grazed as she leaned forward. Her warm, wine-scented breath mingled with his, and Asriel was lost for a moment. He closed his eyes and felt her lips gently meet his, and he felt his own mouth moving in sync to her soft, steady rhythm. His hand moved to stroke the side of her face, and hers ran through his hair and then trailed down his neck, sending chills down his spine.

But after a few moments, Asriel stopped. Blinking as if coming out of a trance, he gazed down at her, and he felt Stelmaria stiffen beside him. "What did you say to her, Marisa?"

In an instant, her eyes flashed, but they quickly mellowed again as she brought herself closer to him and resumed kissing his neck. "Oh, you know."

Her lips trailed down his neck and her hand tenderly cupped his face, but Asriel put a hand under her chin and lifted it up. "Actually, I _don't_ know, Marisa. What did you say to her?"

Blue shot up to meet gray, and Marisa yanked her chin away and took a step back, practically smoldering. Her eyes, those precious, sensitive eyes, had hardened again, and Asriel could still feel his skin throbbing from where her lips had just been. "Perhaps you're more taken with her than you've let on."

Just like that she had turned it all on him, and with that, Asriel finally understood. It was _always _his fault. He made their relationship too obvious, he went away for too long, he didn't kiss her enough, he pushed against her too roughly, he came inside her too quickly, he moved on to another woman too quickly – it was always Asriel's fault. Nothing had changed in the sixteen months of their relationship, and clearly, nothing ever would.

"She's a good person, Marisa." Exchanging a look with Stelmaria, Asriel nodded and then walked toward the door. He'd had enough, and the one woman who wouldn't use him and with whom he didn't need to sneak around was most likely crying somewhere outside the building and in desperate need of his apology and his explanation.

"Where are you going?" Cold surprise rang through Marisa's musical voice, and Asriel stopped. "Asriel, I said I took care of it. Don't you believe me?"

He turned around to face her, but that was a mistake. Her blue eyes, so defiant and so beautiful, seemed to rake through his very soul and hold him there on the spot. Asriel wanted to stand there forever staring into them, getting lost in them, and a flood of nostalgia overwhelmed him as every feeling he had ever had for Marisa Coulter came swirling back into those sparkling eyes.

"No, Marisa." Asriel closed his eyes, and Stelmaria rubbed her head on his knee. "I don't. Quite frankly, I think you've done enough damage for tonight. Goodnight, Marisa."

His heart racing, Asriel turned around again, but this time the act was met with quick footsteps. He felt her hand on his back, digging her nails into his jacket, and he stood rooted to the spot.

"You don't want to do this, Asriel." Her voice was very high-pitched, and with a jolt, Asriel recognized a hint of fear laced into her tone. "I think you must have had too much to drink tonight. Just stay here with me." She paused, apparently fighting back some kind of emotion. "Stay with me. Please."

Just as Asriel had never seen Marisa cry, he'd never seen her beg. Begging was the mark of an inferior companion, and Marisa had made it quite clear from their first encounter that she was by no means an inferior. She was in every way his equal, and, as one would say, in every way his superior, too. But hearing her voice crack ever so softly just now, hearing that twinge of desperation, Asriel didn't know what to think, what to feel – what to do.

In all sincerity, Asriel loved Marisa Coulter. He'd loved her ever since he saw her enter the conference room at Jordan College in her sparkling beige dress and her cedar-colored fur coat. He loved her ever since her quiet "hello" and her most breathy "goodbye," and he loved her despite the amount of times she stood him up or pretended he didn't exist. For Asriel, there would never be a love as grand and exciting as the love he had for Marisa, but as with all things in life, he had to be practical and tasteful.

His head still spinning, Asriel shrugged away her hand, and he felt his heart drop as she took in a sharp intake of breath. "I'm really sorry, Marisa." His voice was barely a whisper, and he didn't dare look at her. "I need to find Vanessa."

Tears slid down Asriel's cheek as he pushed open the door and made his way to the front door. By far, this was one of the most painful things he ever had to do.

* * *

**And likewise one of the most painful things I ever had to write D: But we know better than to think that Marisa will give up! Stay tuned!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own the His Dark Materials series.**

**A/N: **Hi, everyone! Sorry for the delay on this one. I've been working on it for about a month, and I think I finally have it where I'd like it to be. This story is so fun to write because the characters of Asriel and Marisa are both so complicated, and I hope you like it! More to come (hopefully soon!). Thanks for reading. Please let me know what you think!

**Warning, **there's a little bit of lime toward the end. I don't think it's that bad, but just be prepared.

* * *

_**o7.**_

He wouldn't get away with it. Snatching her gold-sequin clutch, Marisa strode from the empty ballroom and entered the dimly-lit dining hall, a mechanical smile put into place as she helped the golden monkey onto her shoulder and greeted nearby guests. As always, the men stopped to stare at her, their mouths slightly ajar, but she moved past them before they could stutter out their awkward compliments and their insincere questions about her life.

_Fools, _she thought, feeling unsuppressed hatred like she never had before. _Men are such _fools! The golden monkey thrashed his tail, his little black claws pawing tightly on Marisa's bare shoulder, and Marisa kept walking until she reached the coatroom.

"Leaving so soon, Mrs. Coulter?" the coat clerk asked, flashing a dazzling smile at her.

"Yes." Her voice was curt, and she pressed the 20 pound note into his hand before he helped her into her coat. "Thank you."

_What are you going to do? _her daemon thought to her, his eyes peeled as they exited the hotel and made a left.

_What I must, _she replied, a scowl sewed onto her face. _What I should have done all along._

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

She didn't know where she was going, but at this point, it didn't even matter. Panting slightly, Vanessa picked up the bottom of her dress as she raced across the street, Malaca to her left and bright headlights and a group of people to her right. They must have come from the same party since they too were dressed in formal attire, but Vanessa didn't care to parlay. She didn't care about anything except the pain and shame that burned throughout her upper chest.

How did she not know that Asriel had been carrying on an affair with the wife of one of the most prominent politicians in Oxford? It was all quite remarkable. Marisa had told her everything – from the beginning to the present – and Vanessa felt like an utter _fool_. As Marisa had said, Vanessa was merely a filler, a substitute, a distraction – a temporary emotional caveat. Asriel didn't _really _love her, and with another bout of tears spilling from her eyes, Vanessa realized that he probably never would.

_Don't say that, Vanessa. _Malaca rubbed against her as they paused to a stroll. _We don't even know this Marisa person. What if she's lying?_

_ She's not lying! _Vanessa felt tears fall from her cheeks as she rounded the corner of Milfort Avenue. _It all makes sense! _

Vanessa couldn't explain it, but in the grander scheme of things, it all _did _make sense. The way Asriel would nervously scan the crowd at every academic event they attended, the way he would abruptly get up and leave in the library, the way his eyes narrowed and his forehead creased when talking about past relationships – all of Asriel's quirks and mannerisms suddenly made sense. He'd always seemed slightly detached with secrets and untold stories, and now that Vanessa finally knew the truth, she just couldn't believe how foolish she had been.

"Vanessa!" From a distance, Vanessa heard a voice – _his _voice. She turned around to see Asriel running toward her at full speed, Stelmaria bounding along at his side.

For a moment, Vanessa felt touched. He followed her, he came after her; he _must _careabout her. Was it all just a dream? Had she only imagined talking to the beautiful lady in gold? But as he drew nearer and her emotions started to cool, she realized that she was just falling into the same trap as before. Marisa warned her that this would happen.

"Leave me alone, Asriel." She tried to pick up her pace and outrun him, but he was there, his hand on her back and his other turning her around.

"Vanessa, please. Listen to me."

"Stop! Don't _touch _me!" She had said it quite loud, so Asriel had no choice but to step back. His eyes, however, stayed glued to hers, and she heard his footsteps as she spun around and headed back the way she had come.

"Vanessa, don't listen to a word she says," he said, his voice inches behind her.

"She told me everything, Asriel." She stopped just then, causing him to run into her. It caught her off balance and made her totter, but he caught her in his hands and kept her steady, his gray eyes searching hers.

"What she told you isn't true!" he insisted, his fingers squeezing her flesh. "She lies. She's always lied. I _knew _I shouldn't have let her talk to you!"

"Better her than you," Vanessa shot back, backing away from him and feeling the pressure build in her eyes. "At least she can understand where I'm coming from. From what I've heard, _you're _the liar, and I never want to see you again."

She couldn't help it – another bout of tears fell from her eyes, and she felt her body shake from small, throbbing sobs. She'd never felt more humiliated and degraded in her life, and even as Marlaca clung to her legs and tried his best to comfort her, she just couldn't stop crying. Oh, how juvenile she felt! Just like Marisa had said!

Very carefully, Asriel wiped away a tear advancing from her cheek. His touch caused a wildfire of emotion to spread through Vanessa's system, and even though his tenderness reminded her of how loving he must have been to Marisa, she didn't cringe away. She wanted very much to hate him and to wash her hands of him, but as she stood there staring into the gray windows of his soul, she honestly didn't know whatshe wanted. Despite the awful things that she had discovered about him, she loved him – truly, sincerely loved him. And how was she supposed to turn her back on someone she loved?

"Vanessa, you've heard her story, but could you please hear mine?" Stelmaria let out a whimper, and Marlaca lowered his head, his eyes staring carefully into the snow leopard's. "I had an affair with her. That's completely true. But it ended before I met you, and damn it, Vanessa – I love you."

"You love me?" Vanessa lifted her head, her green eyes still sparkling with tears. Her heart started to beat faster and faster as it always does around him, and even Marlaca lifted his head, pricking his ears. "Love and not… Loved?"

"_Yes_." Asriel lowered his gaze to her lips, which he brushed his finger against. Chills ran down Vanessa's spine, and her head started to spin. "Vanessa, I'm clearly no good at this sort of thing, but I want to be completely honest with you." He took her hand just then, and he stared deep into her eyes. "I want to tell you the truth."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Marisa?"

Right as he turned the corner of Wilson and Cambridge Avenues, he saw her standing there, leaning against the brick wall of a building. She was wearing the same dress she had worn three nights earlier at the party, but it was _different. _Her leg was visible up to part of her thigh, and the vee cut deeper into her chest. Asriel couldn't help but gape down at it, and he wondered why in the hell she was there and how she knew he was working late that evening.

"Hello, Asriel." The golden monkey, perched voluptuously on her shoulder, raised his tail high, and Marisa winked at him, her blue eyes sparkling in the dim lights of the anbaric street lights.

There was no one out on the streets at the late hour of two in the morning, and Asriel was quite simply amazed. He had left her there at that ball thinking that would be the end of it, yet there she was, waiting for him. In the year of their relationship, it had always been _him _pursuing _her_, so this was definitely quite the turn of events.

"What do you want?" It came out rough and frank, but in the end, that _was _the nature of the question. Stelmaria let out a warning growl, her misgivings washing over Asriel, and he felt rooted to the spot.

She came over to him, her eyes holding him still. Those blue, beautiful eyes locked onto his, and before he knew it, she was on him, her breath tickling his ear and her fingers slipping under his shirt.

"Just one more time, Asriel," she breathed, taking his hand and placing it on the curve of her breast. It felt as soft and warm as it had ever felt, and though Asriel pulled his hand away, she took it again and shoved it inside of her dress, grinding her hips into his.

Asriel felt the slow build of his excitement, and before he knew what he was doing, he was holding her against the wall and sucking on her neck. Her body moved in perfect rhytm to his, and she kissed him back and caressed his skin so tenderly and expertly. He'd missed her so much, Asriel realized, moving to pull down the straps of her dress. He missed her and, quite honestly, he _wanted _her!

_No! _Stelmaria thought, slashing her claws against his pant leg. _Control yourself! Damn it, Asriel!_

She was right. As if coming out of a spell, Asriel stopped, staring into the startled eyes of Marisa. He removed his hand from her bare breast and stood upright, causing her to tilt her head to the side and drop her own hands from his chest.

"What's the matter?" she asked, her eyelashes fluttering down to his pants and then back up to his face.

"We can't do this, Marisa." He stepped away from her, even though his heart yearned for him to stay. "You know that it's wrong."

"It's not wrong," she answered, her lips curving to view the most perfect of smiles. "Just live in the moment, Asriel. We don't have to hide behind a bookshelf this time."

Oh, how much he wanted to kiss her, to hug her, and to be inside of her! He knew how good it would feel, and he knew how easily it could be done in the abandoned alley during the wee hours of the morning.

But he couldn't, Asriel reminded himself, shaking his head. He just couldn't.

"This may very well be the last time, my love," she added, straightening up and coming up to him. She placed her soft, scented hands on his chest again, and she gazed up on him, the most loving expression on her face.

Reluctantly, almost, he put his hand over hers and squeezed it gently. He loved her – of course he loved her, and of course he wanted to be with her. Even after all their time apart, Asriel knew her so well. He could guess what she was thinking, predict what she would do, and despite his human weakness, he knew that she was rotten and vile to the very core.

But at this moment, he didn't care.

"I don't know what to do, Marisa." He leaned against her and put his head on her chest, breathing deeply. She ran her fingers through his hair and rocked him like a child. "I love you, I truly do, but I also love –"

"Don't say it." Smiling, Marisa put a hand on his lips and stared deep into his eyes. "I'm not the only one who has to run around having an affair, now am I?"

He kissed her, and then he kissed her again and again. That was it, she had done it – Asriel finally couldn't refuse. After so many years of feeling second rate and obsolete, _she_ was finally seducing _him. _Asriel was the one with the other partner and the perfect life to tarnish, and Marisa was the one to weasel her way in just to have a small piece of his love. He had all the power now, and as shallow as it seemed, that's all Asriel ever truly wanted. He wanted it all to be fair, and now, it finally was.

The golden monkey sighed as Stelmaria licked his fur, and Marisa herself let out a moan of contentment as Asriel continued to kiss her before moving to sit her up on the ledge of a window. "Don't tell me this will be the last time," he begged, unbuckling his belt and kissing her forehead. Her fingers slipped inside, and he felt his entire body shudder. "Oh, Marisa, I've missed everything about you."

"I don't know what to say, Asriel." She ran her fingers around his bulge, and she closed her eyes. "I really don't know what to say except that I love you."

He kissed her once more, his lips lingering on her neck before moving down to her chest, and Marisa put her arms around his back and hugged him tight. It'd been months since he'd felt her pressed so close against him, and quite honestly, it was months since he'd felt so happy and complete.

Perhaps, Asriel realized, spreading Marisa's legs, this was what love truly felt like. Perhaps he had it all wrong before, and perhaps now he finally understood.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Goodbye, Asriel," she sang, holding the golden monkey close. Her daemon looked up at her closely, and Marisa merely smiled.

"We'll see," she told him, that devious smile spreading across her face. "We'll just have to wait and see."


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I do not own the His Dark Materials Series.**

**A/N: **Hey everyone! I'm SO sorry for the hiatus. I've been super busy lately, but I had a little bit of time to write an update and show you all just what Marisa Coulter is capable of ;) Bit of a twist for you! Thank you so much for reading, and please let me know what you think!

* * *

_**o8.**_

Quite truthfully, things were better than they had been in a long time – a _very_ long time. Vanessa was talking to him again, she was staying with him almost every night, they had talked seriously about moving in together, his research advanced and he was named the Breakthrough Researcher of the Year at Oxford – life was grand for Asriel Belacqua, except for the fact that he hadn't seen Marisa Coulter since the night he had sex with her in the middle of an abandoned alley.

Asriel would never let Vanessa know, but this separation hurt him deeply. As he had admitted to himself over and over again (and to the great dismay of Stlemaria, he knew), Asriel loved Marisa as he had never loved any woman. That secluded night had revived every ounce of passion he had ever felt for his charming mistress. Even though it had been four months since he had seen her, he looked for her shadow wistfully in the library and scanned the crowd hopefully at every conference; he constantly looked over his shoulder for any single trace of her, though there was always _nothing_. Had it really been the last time? Was it truly and sincerely over?

After the disastrous party at the Emerald Hotel, Asriel had told Vanessa everything about the affair – _everything _(except for the alley-love-making)_. _Vanessa couldn't understand the attraction, though, and she couldn't understand why Asriel had loved her so much when they weren't even able to be a true couple.

"Why did you love her when she was married?" Vanessa asked one night before they fell asleep. It was quite the profound question, and to be completely honest, Asriel didn't know why. Most men chased after other men's wives due to the challenge of it, but it wasn't like that with Marisa. In a lot of ways, _she _had pursued _him, _and the fact that she was married was relative. But alas, none of that made any sense, and he didn't know how to explain it.

"I've already told you, darling," Asriel answered sleepily, willing his mind to fall asleep and away from the topic. It was beginning to take a toll on his already-drained mind. "At the time, Marisa was just too intoxicating to turn down. And we _felt _something for each other." He felt her stir at that last bit, so he moved to put his arms around her. "That was almost two years ago, though, and I was a weaker man back then." _And still am, _he added, feeling the warm burn of shame.

"But you're stronger now?" _No. _He really wasn't, but Asriel had to be. It had been nearly two years since Marisa Coulter waltzed into his life, and it was time for him to move on. Clearly Marisa had, so Asriel nodded his head and pulled Vanessa in tighter. By the way she absent-mindedly stroked his arm and stared intently at the ceiling, though, Asriel had a feeling that she didn't really believe him, and he wished that he knew why she doubted him so much.

_Because perhaps she knows the truth. _As Asriel leaned over to kiss the top of Vanessa's head, Stelmaria cut through his thoughts like ice. _Perhaps it's because, regardless of what you say, you're still completely and irrevocably in love with Marisa Coulter, and Vanessa and the whole world know it._

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Another day, another party. It all started to become redundant after a while. Vanessa loved all the parties, of course. She was still so young, so fresh – so _naïve. _He loved her for that, and even though he couldn't stand sipping the flat champagne and eating the stale crackers, he was happy to see her happy. She was all that really mattered, and since she was trying to establishing herself as a scholar, going to events like this was an absolute must.

All the regular crowds were there. They saw Professor Lorface and Professor McMallan, Professor Dolling and Professor Thomas; they saw a multitude of old, graying men with even older, graying research interests that would never amount to anything. But Asriel smiled, his arm draped comfortably around Vanessa's waist and his other clutching his glass of champagne. He would be the good boyfriend. He would be the good scholar.

As they made their way through the crowd and over to the food table, Vanessa suddenly stopped and turned around to face him, putting a hand on the side of his face.

"Are you alright?" he asked, searching her eyes. Stelmaria pricked her ears, and Malaca merely stared at her, his eyes gentle. "Don't tell me you want to go home?"

"Nice try," she laughed, and she leaned over and kissed him. It wasn't just a light, social kiss – it was deep and purposeful. Asriel felt that familiar sense of breathlessness take over him as she moved closer and let her free hand roam the nest of his hair. Bridging any remaining distance between them, Asriel wrapped his arms around her and lifted her up, not caring that they were in a crowded room of people and that anyone could be looking their way. Smiling between her kisses, Asriel realized just how fortunate he was to truly and sincerely be in love with her.

_Love. _Stelmaria almost gagged at the thought. What did Asriel know about love? The first love of his life had stolen his heart and threw it away, not even caring about it. He'd then spent almost two years of his life trying to give it back to her, but after getting spit on and humiliated, he had finally given up and realized that she didn't deserve his love and his time.

Only he hadn't. When she came knocking, he was there; when she spread her legs, he was there. He felt so guilty just then, kissing Vanessa yet thinking about Marisa, but Asriel didn't know what to do. He hadn't been happy with Marisa, so he moved on. But now that he moved on, he couldn't stop thinking about her. As Vanessa moved closer and buried her face in the crook of Asriel's neck, he realized that nothing could keep Marisa's memory out of his life. Her ghost flittered through the walls of everything he did and everything he was, and nothing seemed to be able to change that.

"I love you, Asriel," Vanessa murmured, her warm breath tickling his neck. Moving his hand to pat her head, Asriel said nothing; Asriel _felt _nothing. It was all very confusing, and at that moment, he could barely make sense of anything.

Out of the corner of his eye, Asriel saw a bright flash of color. Looking up, he saw a flicker of gold, and he saw her. Most prominently, however, he saw _it _– the bulge of her stomach on her devastatingly slender frame_._


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I do not own the His Dark Materials Series.**

**A/N: **Hey everyone! Sorry for the hiatus, but here's another chapter! Please let me know what you think. I'll try to update soon!

* * *

_**o9.**_

Asriel knew that Vanessa would see them, but he didn't care. Breaking free of Vanessa's embrace, Asriel slammed his champagne class down on the table and went over to Marisa, his footsteps quickening and his heart beginning to race.

She was pregnant. _Pregnant. _Just barely, he could tell, for the bump wasn't that big, but it was enough for people to notice and enough for it to be an issue; it was enough to be a public _ordeal_, since she was the wife of a promising public servant.

_What are you thinking? _Stelmaria asked him, her fur brushed up against his legs as they followed Marisa out of the room and watched her retreat to the very end of the hall. _You don't think it's __**yours**__, do you?_

To be honest, Asriel didn't know. Aware that people were passing him and staring at him strangely, Asriel really didn't know. If it _was _his, that would be awful. She would be a sneaking, conniving little _bitch_ for having fucked him in any alleyway and having gotten herself knocked up. But if it _wasn't _his, which was very likely the case, that would be awful, too. Her life would forevermore be connected to the long, gangly slimeball of a politician, and nothing would ever be the same between them. It would truly be over.

_Maybe that's why she kept her distance. _They were near the end of the hallway now, and Asriel saw her slip into a side room, probably a closet. _She didn't know how to tell me; she didn't __**want **__to tell me. I bet it's his. I bet she's going to tell me that it's over._

Rounding the corner of the hallway, Asriel entered that small, stuffy supply closet and closed the door, still facing it. It had been over for quite a while, he knew, and he had moved on, but there was still that tantalizing _spark _between him. There was still something there that made this all worth the hysteria and all worth the insanity before him.

"Well, well, well," she drawled from behind him. Her voice had a hint of a laugh to it, and the sound of it made Asriel both bristle and quiver. "And I thought our days of rendez-vous in closets were a thing of the past."

"Don't do that."

"Do what, darling?"

"_That._" That charm, that grace – that irresistible allure that still tore Ariel's heart apart.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Asriel. Are we not even allowed to have a conversation? For heaven's sake, if you don't even want –"

"Please tell me it isn't mine." Asriel was facing her now, and their faces were merely inches apart in that stuffy supply closest, which was oh so similar to the one where they had first kissed and had first explored each other's bodies. In spite of himself, Asriel's breathing picked up, and though he couldn't see anything, he sensed Marisa stiffen a little.

"I don't know how I should feel about that question," she finally answered, her voice cold. "Does that mean –"

"Please don't be coy with me, Marisa. This is important."

"Of course it's important, Asriel! Don't you think I realize that?"

Her voice was high-pitched now, and Asriel briefly was taken back to that day at the Emerald Hotel. She had been pleading for him not to leave her and had lost all of the control she had ever gathered, and in this moment, her voice sounded similar.

_Do you think she's actually _**afraid **_that it's yours? _Stelmaria brushed against his legs again, and Asriel merely stood there. He didn't know. But he _wanted _to know.

"What are you thinking, Marisa?" He could never tell with her. That's what had been the most alluring about her – he never quite knew what was going on in her beautiful head, and she never quite let on. He could have a general understanding of it, but never the entire picture.

But now, things were different, and it was imperative that he know. This wasn't some sly little love affair game but an incident that had the potential to affect the rest of their lives.

She was silent for a few seconds, and Asriel felt his breathing hitch again. "I'm thinking about how my doctor told me I'm four months pregnant," she finally said, "and how, four months ago, you and I..."

Her voice trailed off, and Asriel felt that twist of panic race through him again.

"But haven't you... with Edward –"

"It's too close to tell." Vaguely, he felt one of her hands brush lightly against his, and he moved forward to take hold of it. It was shaking slightly, and leaning closer, Asriel could hear her quivering breath.

"There's nothing to be worried about, Marisa."

"You don't know that." Her voice was barely a whisper, and Asriel felt all of his previous anger vanish with the murmuring of her words. This didn't sound like some perverted game of one-upping him. To be frank, it sounded like genuine fright, and Asriel realized that this was as hard for her as it was for him.

_She remembered that it was four months ago, _came Stelmaria's voice, embedded in the back on Asriel's mind. _Why does she remember the exact timing of it?_

_ Don't we remember it, too? _Ignoring his daemon, Asriel reached forward and put his hand on Marisa's left shoulder. Hers quickly moved to pat the top of his, and he felt that electricity flow between them again – strong yet muted in their black, stuffy confinement.

"What do we do now?" Her voice was steadier now, but Asriel could still sense her uncertainty.

"We'll play it safe," he answered, "but low-key. I'm assuming you've already told Edward and he thinks that it's his?"

"Of course."

"Then that's that." He pulled his hand away, and Stelmaria let out a soft growl. "That's how it's going to be, whether it's his or not."

"But don't you _care_?" _Boom! _Asriel felt a deep blow penetrate his heart. Of course he cared and of course he wanted to know, and if he were to be completely honest with himself, a part of him _wanted _that baby to be his, _wanted _to have an excuse to keep Marisa a permanent part of his life.

But he could never admit that to her. Shrugging slightly, Asriel reached behind him and then opened the door an inch. Light flooded through the crack, and he could see her eyes – those damn, beautiful eyes that held him there with a single glance.

"There's nothing we can do right now anyway," he told her, "so I don't see any reason to get all worked up about it. We can sort this out after the baby is born."

"And after that?" She blinked, a slow, droopy blink that suddenly reminded Asriel of lazy mornings with her wrapped up in his arms in his bed, and then she looked down. "I can't know for certain, but... I have a feeling that it's yours."

_Does she now? _Stelmaria snorted, but Asriel gulped. Nothing could be certain, but there was a chance – a possibly large chance – that it could be his, that he could be a father, that he could be –

"Asriel?" Somewhere to his left, he heard a female's voice. _Vanessa._

"God _damn _it!" Without missing a beat, he closed the door and then turned around, smiling in Vanessa's direction.

"Hello, dear."

"What are you doing here, Asriel?" She had an edge to her voice, and Asriel knew that she must be suspicious. She _had _seen Marisa, after all, and he _had _chased after her. But Asriel wasn't ready or willing to discuss this with Vanessa yet. It was all too much, and he just couldn't.

"Just checking something, but I'm done now. Shall we return to the ballroom?"

_You fool, _Stelmaria thought to him as he took Vanessa's hand and guided her down the hall, his eyes swiveling back to the supply closet. _You blind, gullible __**fool.**_


End file.
